Milestone

Six months ago I thought a father passing away was the worst day of a persons life. But what I've come to realize is, that it isn't.

In the days that followed my father's death, it's the unexpected ways that I am reminded of him that cause my tears. Military holidays, rope knots, pine scented saw dust, running saws and Cracker Barrel. There will be many more triggers, and the memories will strike sometimes like a trickle and sometimes like a tsunami.

I don't think it's bad. My heart still feels like it's free-falling when there's a question that I want to ask him and he isn't available. I am conscious of his total absence in waves. For days on end I'm keenly aware, and on other days I almost forget.

But I won't ever really forget. It will just sting a little less everyday until the emotional triggers get pulled or the unexpected memory surfaces. If I'm crying, it's not all bad either. It doesn't mean I'm depressed. It just means he still touches my heart and his love for me wasn't wasted.