Imminent Meltdown

Right now, My desktop computer is more like me than I would care for people to know. It runs slow. Instead of taking the usual few moments to react to the keys I’ve pressed, it takes minutes. Three attempts at software updates failed. Ad aware is out of date and after less than ten minutes, the computer has disengaged from the net. Windows defender seems stumped.

“Your current software is out of date…” Six weeks after the fact, the loss of someone so significant in my life still does not compute.

“Your computer failed to install updates.” I understand that person is no longer alive. I saw it with my own eyes. And yet, it seems the information will neither install or unpack itself. The conflict lies somewhere between what has always been and the new reality.

“Your connection has been lost. Retry?” Some days, I wake up feeling great. I think this is going to be a wonderful day. Once I start getting into my day, I realize how overwhelmed I feel. I pull back. Retry?

No. Not today. Today I feel too close to the edge, like over heating, maybe my hair is sending up little wisps of smoke. My brain is catching....

Maybe after a day alone, a good cry or some prayer, music, or possibly a good night’s sleep, the reset button will gain functionality.

We’ll try again...

tomorrow.