The Tree

I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse, and after he had just finished a rough first day on the job: a flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric drill quit and his ancient one ton truck refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence.
On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands. When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation... His face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.
Afterward he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.
“Oh, that's my trouble tree,” he replied. “I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, those troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So every night when I come home, I just hang them up on the tree and ask God to take care of them. In the morning, I’ll pick them up again.” He smiled.
“Funny thing is, when I come out in the morning to pick 'em up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before.”

Amid the Rushing

Thursday morning didn’t start out smoothly. When I turned on the coffee pot, even though we woke up earlier than the day before, in an effort to get more coffee, while getting ready for work, juice got spilled. Not one glass, but two. Apologies were made and readily accepted. It was an accident, after all.

My daughter woke up late, desperately needing java. With 20 minutes to get ready for school, she made quesadillas for lunch and applied ointment to iron burns (don’t ask) looking very put-together.
Twelve cups of coffee brewed this morning. Thinking I’m going to merge with all the rushing, I pour a cup.
But there isn’t a whole cup. Right then, I tell the Lord I’m thankful for my family. I truly mean it with all my heart.

Right now in the next city over, a widow I talked to yesterday wakes up wondering if she wants to make a full pot of coffee, or if she’ll even bother making breakfast. Her grown kids are gone and she’s packing up her belongings in her too-big-for-one dream home that she and her late husband built together and shared their lives in.

 Shortly after that, my daughter's ride pulls in. I’m grateful for spilled juice and the coffee- swilling teenager freaking out about time and failed alarms. I love her dearly. I realize that in a moment it could all disappear. I'll take the good with the less than good and hang onto these lovely people as long as I can.

I fire up a half pot of decaf and when I turn around, I'm alone for the day. My half-cup of coffee and I go to my home-office where the radio plays.
A song that rarely airs on our local station begins just as I enter. Jim Brickman’s The Love of My Life with Michael W. Smith singing. 
It makes my heart happy to hear it, because the very first time I heard it I cried in an empty living room far from friends, my daughter was away and singlehood had recently snatched me out of a 12 year marriage.

I sit down for a moment reflecting on how different my life is, and the changes I prayed for that the Lord brought. The song is like a touchstone between us, reminding me that He still thinks of me, blesses me and helps me take time to remember what’s really important.~

Day One

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EGAN!!!

Congrats to my brother Alan's who became a grandfather

when his youngest son,

Robert Alan became a proud father

July 17th!

Masterpiece

This little pixie will always be one of my favorite

masterpieces.What's not to love?

Thanks for the Wonderful Day

Mother's Day is one of those days that I fall in love with my family all over again. Not because of the gifts, which were super. A spa day gift box from my daughter, Sam. Gordo gave me my own personal flock of pewter angels (Love Hope Peace Faith). He's seen me drive. He knows I need them. The Chris Tomlin CD is wonderful.

The biggest surprise of the day: A new camera (with which I've been spending a lot of time trying to acquaint myself). As soon as I figure out how to email pictures or download them here, you'll be seeing some amazing stuff. I can't wait! ( Thanks!)

But I fall in love with them because if we spend the day together, we eat great food and generally laugh a lot. They are too funny. I'm blessed to have such a great kid. With her input, she helpsme to be a good mom.
Thanks princess. I love you.

A Trio of Haiku

Father's Advice

You always said,

Anything is possible.

I want to live that.

Work He Loved

Wood sap, splinters saws,

Sandpaper, stain and varnish

Our kitchen you built.

Things I'll Miss

Navy stories, your way

Sunrise, sunsets through your eyes.

Hearing "Hey, that's great!"

Thicker Than Water

Even though our family is missing one, the truth is, it hasn't shrunk. To date, I met two more Uncles that I never knew about, and found out about a whole wing of the family that I am discovering today through a relative who loves genealogy. Plus, my daughter is no longer lost to me, and maybe her mother and I will be at least friends. We are family in the grand scheme of things.

Life just got a whole lot more interesting.

Walking in the Shoes

Every day I make an effort to go toward what I don’t understand. ~Yoyo Ma


Photo by NG


We don't realize how much we live in our own heads until something happens and we need people. I have been extremely fortunate to have a small but strong network of faithful friends and be associated with a church during two life-changing tragedies in my life. I continue to be amazed at the outpouring of grace, love and kindnesses that divorce and death bring out in so many people.

I am in awe of these people who are so "other" conscious. Suddenly I am also hyper-aware of all the times people needed me in these situations, and how unable I was to assist them, until the experience befell me. I suppose because the emotional landscape was so foreign, I shied away.

Yoyo Ma's words hit that place in me today. Quite often, I am fearful of venturing into unknown territory. But I can tell you I'm getting better at it, and did it last week.

The daughter I gave up for adoption 23 years ago arrived with her mother at a recent social gathering. That was a shock unto itself. They kept a little to themselves, not in a rude way.They didn't know but a few people. So, not knowing protocol for such events, I brought sibs over and introduced them.

Later, when we were all getting our meals from the buffet line, I noticed that my daughter and her mother had settled in at a table with their plates of food. Alone. With my full plate, ready to resume my seat at a prechosen table, I felt a nudge--probably God. Maybe you know how He is...

These thoughts went through my mind.
"Go ask them to sit with your family." They looked happy. I didn't know if they'd want to move. (translate: I didn't want to ask, be declined and look stupid.)
My answer was, "But...."
"Go ask them," He insisted.Have you ever tried arguing with God? I have. Enough to know that there is a consequence for not heeding holy advice.

Here's a couple of things that could happen if I didn't go: I might drop my plate. All my food could slide into the salad dessing. I could trip and fall and splatter food on all the guests. Hard to not look stupid. Or even if I made it to the table and ate my food with out being struck by some mishap, there is the possibility of indigestion, or (and I'll offer no gruesome details for this) worse.

Are you kidding me? I always let Him win. When I arrived at their table, my prescence interrupted a conversation.
"Would you like to join us at our table?"
"We don't want to intrude..."
"You wouldn't be."

The next thing I know, they and my family are all enjoying a meal together. Emails get exchanged. We laughed together. We hugged.
And when we said goodbye, I felt somehow, I'd added to my network a few more wonderful people.

Lines of Navigation

It would be impossible (and boring to some) all the ways my dad impacted my development, and life even today. I tried to break it down to the consistent undercurrent of how he lived his own life.
As this week ends, I will leave you with a few sayings passed on to my from my dad that I've mulled over and used as a compass by which to navigate my life. Maybe they'll help you as much as they have helped me.

Live your life above reproach.

You can do anything. If you can read it in a book, you can do it.

What ever you do, be your absolute best at it.

If you use it, put it back where you got it, and leave it better than you found it.

I'd like to think this last one is where he made the most impact on his planet. Watching my sibs yesterday, it was obvious that he had left his indelible mark on each of us. Even the prodigal has come home. He'd been home for about a month working alongside my dad.

Dad also got to see my first born, Kat, again the week before his death. I feel certain in his mind, he believed the family was all back together. Amazingly, Kat attended with her mother, whom I met for the first time after 23 years.
I just wish he could have seen it. I hope that he was able to look over the silver lining of a Heavenly cloud and see the party we were having in his honor, and how many people gathered together to speak well of him. I know his heart would have overflowed with joy, along with his green eyes.

I'm sure if Dad was watching, he couldn't get the grin off his face.

In Transit

I've been notified that my comments on this blog are currently not working. I have recieved comments before so I don't know what is going on with that. We're trying to get it fixed. You can post me from "the radical write" if you feel so compelled. I'd love to hear from you.

I'll be posting about some other things very soon. My thoughts for the day:
Prayers are like Heavenly Hugs. We can't get enough of them here.
I have jillions of great memories of my dad, for which I'm grateful.

This tragedy has been difficult, but as death can sometimes do, it brought the "Six Pack" together again. We'll all be seeing each other in one place for the first time in five years. Before that, it was 17 years. For some reason most if us forgot cameras and the roll of film that was shot was...well, it hasn't surfaced yet. I'm not taking any chances this time. I got all manner of recording devices.

Stay tuned. With any luck and a few blessings, you will see us all again, sans parents.

Traveling Home

Usually surrounding the hospitalization there's a flurry of activity and the retelling of events, explanations of procedures. Usually people sit around soggy-eyed trying to think the best, hope for the best thought, remember people who pulled through similar situations. The waiting seems interminable. To pass the time, my sister brought a book and I had brought the laptop.

My sister and I shared resurrection stories on our trip to Akron City hospital. Neither of us allowed the other to dwell in that space that allowed the waterworks to spring a leak and start a flood.

We talked of happy times and future plans that included Dad. Neither of us wanted to entertain the slightest notion that we may be seeing him for the last time. The little voice in my head had spoken, "He's not going to make it this time." I wanted that voice to be wrong.

When we arrived at the hospital, I called my youngest brother of four still in transit from Atlanta. Driving brother number three.

"Where are you?" I asked.
"Tennessee. Where are you?"
"Hospital parking deck. Why?"
"You need to get your butt upstairs."

But the hospital had changed since our "Six Pack" had been in it five years ago. Nothing looked the same. The renovations had removed all the familiar trails. My sister and I searched four floors before coming to an unoccupied reception desk. The halls were pretty empty. Ones who worked there were occupied on the phonewith lines forming. We found elevators and stood in front of them.

And realized we were standing by my 15 year-old-nephew I hadn't seen since I don't know when and brother number two who had been missing for two years. Reunions hugs and smiles were passed all around. We rode the car to the second floor. When the elevator opened, I saw brother number one, Eric.
"Dad's already gone."

They led us to the elevators that led to a hallway and waiting area, and finally, with an escort to the room where my father lay.
Isn't life unpredictable? The one I never thought I'd see again, is here. And the one I had hoped to see one more time, has traveled home.