Angeline Arms

You wonder sometimes how you survive some things in life. When you look back at the wreckage of your soul, if it was someone else you think, "I'd feel something more about this."

But it's not someone else's life. It's mine. And I think of how my shock meter is so bent, that the things that should shock me don't. That I talk about a relative's attempted suicide like milk is two bucks a gallon surprises some.

People don't always know how you got to be where you are today. If you're blond or beautiful, if you're smiling and relatively happy, if you are successful or seemingly so, people may even think life's been easy.

and nothing could be farther from the truth.

Thank God for guardian angels.

Keeping Busy

I just signed up with a publisher to be a book reviewer. What was I thinking? I know, that they only want about 200 words. But I'm wondering if the book I chose will be too fat? I can't tell you what it is, because I might give it as a Christmas gift...

I also see that I promised to be a judge for two contests (that start in December) and I'm enjoying the (very) slow, no deadlines process of helping a young Cuban national with his writing through e-mail... I think I need another hole in my head.

To let the pressure out.

My writing friend Lori wonders how do I write everyday?
My youngest is 17, gets her own breakfast, plans her own entertainment and writes also.

It seems easy to me to write, trading one discipline for another. Almost ten years ago, as a potter, my day began with making coffee and heading to the studio to make pots, or bowls. I took weekends off, usually just Sundays.
It took a while to find a groove but once I did, it became a habit.

I didn't have another job, and my daughter then was a self starter. I tired of being in the basements of houses, especially in Summer. When the transition came for me to begin writing, the go to your routine ritual had been established.

It seems for years, I had been stacking up words like cordwood and now they've been called upon. All those unexpressed thoughts finding their voice, riding the pen to paper. Before that, I did write, sporadically in letters and journals. I had as many as six penpals at a time. No one could keep up for very long. I burned them all out. None of them write me today.

You may wonder like I did, why didn't anyone ever tell me I was to be a writer? I think of all the time I wasted chasing silly things...


Finding smidgens of time in between children and life events may seem difficult, and it is at times. It's all material. I have a dozen sparking ideas everyday, anyone of which could catch fire and turn into an essay.

At last count, I had 249 essays in need of edits. And I still write everyday.
The 365 blog was never my idea, until I read about it on Lori's blog. And what began as a challenge, to help me think in filler sized posts became my life raft. If I didn't get anything else done, I had at least one focus 3oo words or less of postable material.

Currently, this makes 192 posts. Minus four or five, that's how long my dad's been gone.
If you want to write every day, it doesn't matter if you complete a saleable essay. But get it down. That's all. It's the goal. Write something. Anything. If you don't write today, the goal is still to write everyday. Write tomorrow. A quote, your take on a Bible passage, that client that makes you nuts, that friend that always smiles at you. Whatever hurts, whatever you cherish, what makes a good day, a bad day. My words of wisdom, never give up.

End of Days

When you reach the end
Of their days, is it enough
To hold you till Heaven?

In Recognition...

I have a friend who uses one of his awards for a door stop. I've always liked that about him. He's about as self deprecating as I am.

We all know there are awards out there that, when they are granted, the ceremony is televised. Some people work their entire lives hoping to achieve some kind of recognition. Many of us work in less visible jobs, behind the scenes just doing our thing. I am definitely one of those. I didn't want to go into acting because I am not a spot light kind of girl. The camera doesn't like me as well as some others, I have a pretty typical body type that even when I work out looks like I need to work out and my hair is perfectly fine every single day except when it might be photographed. Fortunately, that look is "in".
I dreamed up every excuse to avoid attending the ceremony that wanted to award me for some act of benevolence I barely recall. But the woman who called me is so dear, and I like her so much, I said if my plans changed, I would reconsider.

Then my plans changed. Realizing I'm fresh out of excuses, I reconsider the award, and attend the ceremony which is more about the kids and their accomplishments. Thre of them speak about two unconventional schools in my county. How it worked for them. When someone is into their third year with only 5 credits and they suddenly catch a vision for their future, they conquered subjects that were previously ruining their self-esteem.

Some of them were growing by being around horses, others were doing it by being around art. They were able to get through their tough times, get their credits and graduate. The next thing they know, they have 10 credits in a year and graduation is actually on the horizon instead of a pipe dream.

It always blows my mind to hear about the 180 degree turnaround.

The first part of hopeless is still hope.

I believe in long shots, underdogs and against all odds. Every time somebody comes back from the edge of almost didn't make it my belief is confirmed.

And even hearing that would have been payment enough for me.

But, they gave me a beautiful MVP certificate and an even more beautiful diamond shaped crystal with Brilliant engraved in it.

You know what?

A pat on the back is a nice experience every now and again.

Thanks, I needed that.